Reaching for the light
When we were getting ready for bed yesterday at 7 a.m., Big Guy put his hand up over his head. “Could our pile of shit get any bigger?” he groaned.
Yeah, we’re having dark days. Teen problems and job problems and so on. Big Guy attended an unending church council meeting on Monday that turned into a giant blamestorm. One of his staff members was again reprimanded for not fostering teamwork or working well with other leaders, and this staff member made it look like BG’s not doing his job as a manager. Then there was the church lady who’s been a member here for forty years and threatened to stop her substantial tithing unless we put the word “Lutheran” back on our church sign and into our communications. After her was the lady who is accusing the church business director and the council finance leader of faulty accounting, though she herself does not understand accounting. And finally, a charter member strongly hinted that she is going to the church synod (I guess in Lutheran-speak this is the governing body of the church) to get our pastor of 14 years removed, because she does not like the changes he’s instituted.
I honestly feel so angry and disappointed in these people that I don’t know how to address them in a Christian manner if I were to see them in church. Or out on the street.
I guess there’s always controversy in churches, and I think our leaders are handling it well. I, however, am not handling it well. This peek under the dirty sheets of church politics has revealed to me and BG that we don’t have the stomach for this. We dreamed of serving God in new ways with his role as an equipping leader and volunteer coordinator. We imagined helping the community and bringing people into a closer relationship with God. It’s hard to see how God is working in this situation.
So instead of dwelling on it, I’m reaching for the light. I want to tell you, if you’re interested, how I did see God working in the past few days.
First Born has been having trouble with her roomie Kim, who I have taken under my wing as an adopted daughter because her own family is unstable and has disowned her. The girls have had many ups and downs but they came over to learn how to cook a turkey, since I was making one for the homeless shelter’s dinner on Monday night. Unfortunately my cooking lessons weren’t quite reality-based as they refused to stick a hand in the body cavity and squealed with disgust over the neck that I ripped out of its body.
When Little One came home, we made and decorated cookies - something we haven’t done as a family in years. I was so thrilled that they are coming back to the traditions of their childhood. LO created an army of Emo gingerbread men and then recreated the entire cast of the Harry Potter books in gingerbread. First Born objected to the idea of gingerbread MEN and instead dressed them as women in bikinis and mini skirts. Kim made clowns and conventional men.
Then we took the turkey over to the shelter and served for several hours. Monday night there were 90 people in our shelter, which is larger than our capacity, but we just couldn’t turn people away. Instead we made extra beds in the hallways and classrooms. When a young man turned up in the middle of the night after his mom kicked him out of the house, all we had to offer was a couple of chairs next to the kitchen for him to lie on. But it was certainly better than wandering around town in the sleet storm early in the morning.
Me and my girls were assigned to the supply closet, which was a blessing for us. The room was stocked with clothes, underwear, socks, coats, toiletries, hats, and mittens. Anyone who needed anything came to us and we tried to find their sizes and fill their needs. First Born was especially pleased when a guy asked for a warm sweatshirt, and was ecstatic when she found him a Chicago Bears shirt - his favorite team. I tried to pray silently over each person as I gave them their clothes.
I went home to bed before getting up at two a.m. for the breakfast shift that I’m responsible for. Big Guy had only been home from the meeting for about 2 hours. We made eggs, hash browns, sausage, and toast for the guests. Six volunteers from the Navy Base helped us serve, and everyone had a good warm breakfast before going out into the ice storm.
This is the kind of Christianity I want to be involved with. This is how I want to serve and experience church, not by fighting over the budget and arguing about church policies. It doesn’t seem that BG will have his job at this church for much longer, but maybe that’s for the best. Our future is uncertain and our burdens seem very heavy right now. But there are still places in my life where I see the hope of Christ. Thank God.
Published by angelawd on December 12th, 2007 tagged Joyful living, Life With the Big Guy
December 12th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Isn’t it funny how things open up for us. This is more my kind of work too. I was in many groups and on many committees and got burned out by the same things you mention. That’s when I stop and give more credit to Pastors, nuns, deacons, etc. than I would have before. Working with people is hard work.
December 13th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Your attitude and service in the midst of struggle is truly amazing. You are an inspiration for us all and a great role model for your children. The story of providing for the needs of the people from the supply closet is very heart warming. Thank you for your service to the world. God bless!
December 15th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I hope things get better soon.
December 17th, 2007 at 9:33 am
I too became fed up with church politics about a year and a half ago, and gave up on that church for the time. I searched for another church but was unable to find one. Meanwhile DH, a Decon at the church I left, remained there to finish his term. Long story short, we are back at the original church. I found that I missed fellowship with my friends and even those that were part of the problem. My kids missed youth group and friends there too. Overall, I found that a change in heart on my part did wonders. I am not saying you need a heart change. . .but just know that you are not alone in hating church politics. The church is run by sinners, and until it isn’t, it will be a challenge.
Hang in there, and maybe focus on how much the fellowship of you closest friends at church means to you. If you can avoid it, don’t give up, sure wish I hadn’t.
December 17th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Thanks for the well wishing!
Mary, I appreciate your comments. It’s nice to feel like I’m not alone in the burnout issues.
Playing, thanks also for your perspective on church burnout. I guess it’s easy say I’ll leave the church because of it, but there may be greater rewards to sticking it out.
December 17th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
And Josie, thanks for your encouragement. I appreciate it!
December 17th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
I’m so inspired by the way you’ve turned dark thoughts into a Christian perspective. Your optimism is truly a great example to me. God bless.
December 17th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Oh, I’m with you - I hate wasting my time on bureaucratic nonsense - just do something! Isn’t that how Mother Teresa felt?
December 18th, 2007 at 9:52 am
I totally agree, Karen. Of course anytime you get a group of people together there’s going to be arguments about how something should be done.