You Gave Me This Child
Father God,
You chose that I should be Jenn’s mother, and I don’t know why. I feel so unequipped for her needs. I don’t know how to be patient, consistent and loving to this little chameleon of drama. I need your help and your wisdom to know what to say and do to help her become a happy, healthy, functional adult. I’m not doing it well enough on my own.
Lord, sometimes I see things going wrong with my Little One and it feels like things are going to keep going more wrong until she spirals out of control, out of reach, out of normal life. I have so many fears for her. I’m frightened when I work in the homeless shelter and see the people who have hit rock bottom, and think that this could be her. I’m frightened that the world will hammer out her beautiful uniqueness and turn her into a conformist drone. I get scared that her uniqueness will prevent her from connecting well to other people. I get so afraid, Lord, and then I get angry at her, and scold when I should love or seek to understand the heart behind her hurtful words.
Lord, remember that bad time in my life, and that crappy car I had with the broken radio? Remember how we had that tape of preschool worship songs that got stuck in the cassette player for about three weeks before I could pry it out? I’m thinking about one of those songs now, God, and it’s giving me peace. Thank you.
“This is my Father’s world
And let me never forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong
God is the ruler yet.This is my Father’s world,
the battle is not won
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
and Earth and Heaven be one.”–”This is my Father’s World”
Published by angelawd on February 12th, 2008 tagged Mom Prayers
February 12th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
I’m lifting you up in prayer tonight, Angela. I know firsthand what you’re feeling and I’m so sorry. Because I know I’ve never felt a pain as deep as this one, and I’ve never felt as helpless. I’m not sure what’s going on exactly, but hang onto your faith that He will work in His time.
Our daughter is back home–again (sixth try in three months–egg shells still intact). And while we don’t know for how long and we don’t know what the end will be, we know we cannot control this. How arrogant of John and I to think we were in control. Maybe that’s my lesson, idk. But I pray for you and I’m a great listener. xo
February 14th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Angela - I feel the pain in your words even though I have no idea of the particulars. Believe me, I went through 4 years of hell with my eldest, but there came a point where I had to let go, just love her, and have faith that I did the best I could and hope at some point she would come around to her senses. Guess what? She did! It took some time, and I ended up with a beautiful grandchild out of the deal. It wouldn’t have been the road I would pick for her, but she’s grown up to be a very mature mother - even at 19.
It amazes me every time I see her now how much of what I tried to teach her through all those horrible years actually sunk in! Have faith in yourself that you are doing the best you possibly know how, have patience in her, choose your battles wisely (more wisely than I), and someday you will reap the benefits of what today you sow.
February 15th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Both of you, thank you so much for your kind words. I am holding onto my faith that we will get through this, and I am praying that there will be a beautiful ending here somehow. Thanks for your encouragement.
February 15th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Not knowing the kind of problems you are having puts me at a loss for what to say other than hang in there. Also, if you haven’t done so, check out http://www.ngycp.org/ . It’s the National Guard Youth Challenge Corp website. That is where Elizabeth is now. We are praying that the program will help her like it has helped so many other young people. Please feel free to email me if you want more info.
I’m holding you in prayer and lifting your family up. Please know that you can call on me any time. Love and hugs.
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