You want me to do what?
I have waved the flag of surrender at my ears and sinuses and went to an ENT specialist yesterday. I knew I was in trouble when he stuck a mirror into my throat and said, “My goodness, is your right tonsil always this large?” Ummm, is that bad?
He looked in my ears and said, “You use Q-tips on your ears, don’t you?”
“Well, sure, isn’t that what God made Q-tips for?”
“Haven’t you ever heard the saying, ‘Don’t put anything larger than your elbow into your ear’?”
“I don’t think my elbow is going to get my ear very clean.”
“Your ears are self-cleaning. You just wipe the outside of them with a towel. Those Q-tips are like a ramrod pounding everything against your eardrum. We’re going to have to clean out your ears.”
“I’ve been told that before!”
While he went to get some instruments, I surreptitiously tried to put my elbow in my ear and concluded I’d have to be a contortionist or a master of yoga to perform such an act.
The he made me lie down so he could clean out my ears and I immediately swore off Q-tips forever. Tears came to my eyes as I promised to go home and burn every cotton swab in my house. I believe I was howling, Sweet Caesar, I swear I’ll never use a Q-tip again as long as you STOP WITH THE SCRAPING!
He said, “This is pretty disgusting stuff. I won’t show you what I’m taking out of your ears.” Which proved that he didn’t know me at all, because unless he pulled a worm out of my ear I wanted to see what it was. Besides, if he had scooped an eardrum out with all that scraping I wanted him to put it back immediately. And man oh man. There was Q-tip debris in there. And other stuff.
So I’m serving as a terrible warning to you. Don’t Q-tip yourself. Just don’t.
After this, we did a hearing test and I could hear everything from the angels singing to the song of the whales in the depths of the ocean. I have completely normal hearing. Which proves that the problem really is Joe mumbling, after all.
Then it was on to the sinuses. Along with a new course of antibiotics, the doctor wants me to start rinsing my sinuses. That sounded just fine until he started mentioning neti pots and the practice of yoga masters (yogis? yogists?), and I had to stop and say, mister, if it requires yoga I guarantee you I am not going to be able to do this; how clean do these sinuses really need to be, anyway?
He callously brushed off my concerns. You’ll get used to it, he insisted. So here’s what I have to do everyday. I lean over the sink with a squirt bottle of warm saline water, and when I squirt it up through one nostril, it rinses the sinuses, races directly through my frontal lobe and then flows out the other nostril. Auuuugggghhh. Somehow this is good for me.
Published by angelawd on February 16th, 2008 tagged Time Plus Tragedy Equals...
February 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
It feels really weird. But it does help.
February 16th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I read about neti pots recently, and I still haven’t been able to envision myself ever doing it. I think I would manage to drown myself somehow. As for the Q-tips, I must be addicted, because I just cannot abide when my ears are gooky. But if I’m just pushing it farther in… I don’t know. It sure seems like I get a lot of stuff out of my ears.
I had to read this one out loud to my husband. Q-tip debris? And other stuff? Snort!
February 16th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Yes, I learn this lesson via my kids having their ears syringed (because I was being a good mum and cleaning their ears). The screaming ensured I never again put anything else into their, my ear, to act as a compounding pounder to my ear drum.
I recently went and had my teeth professionally cleaned. Ouch….I’ll be using floss from now on!!!!!!!
February 16th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I’m pretty good at yoga and I can’t get my elbow anywhere near my ear. I love the q-tips and can’t imagine giving them up. My ears get itchy and a towel on the outside is NOT going to do it. And re: the Neti pot: I don’t love it but I do it in dire circumstances because sinus stuff is the worst. Hope it works for you.
February 17th, 2008 at 7:18 am
I am currently in Q-tip withdrawal. My ears are itchy too, and I seemed be be getting a lot of gook out that way. But I’m not doing the scraping thing again. Ugh.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Ah, Angela, your post reminds me of another that I read last year - it nearly made me pee my pants! I’ll leave the links at the bottom here.
Incidentally, my husband has horrible sinus issues, and I get so irritated at him because he just lives with it. Here we live in Rochester, MN, and I work at the world class medical institution, Mayo Clinic, and he doesn’t go! I even got a referral for him for a specialist who is supposed to be extraordinary in these cases, and he still doesn’t take the initiative to go. So - I applaud you for finally doing something about it!!!
http://deathbykids.blogspot.com/2007/09/water-pik-netti-pot-listerine-dont-try.html
http://deathbykids.blogspot.com/2007/09/this-is-not-how-you-make-tea.html
February 19th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Julia, you just made me laugh hysterically - not good in my weakened condition!
February 20th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I know I should swear off of QTips but I am an addict. But, you really have me rethinking my position. I love your ticker for weight loss - I should lose 45 pounds but would be happy with 15 or 20. Good luck!
February 21st, 2008 at 9:32 am
Mary, I am totally in withdrawal. But the gunk they scraped out of my ears MUST have taken five pounds off my weight. That alone makes it worth it, right?
February 23rd, 2008 at 1:31 am
Oh my–the Neti Pot! I was told to get one just yesterday–guess where? In the ER! After my own QTip lecture (as you know). Unreal……