You know how everyone’s Ma tells them to accept people just the way they are, rather than trying to change them? Well, everybody’s Ma is correct.
My poor husband has been afflicted with a series of my bad choices. The man has endured ridicule for my mistakes. Here then, is lesson number 429 in “How to Make Your Husband Miserable”.
One night I somehow mentioned to him that his formerly reddish blond hair that is now turning salt and pepper gray makes him look older than he really is. Yeeessh. All I can say is, I believe some wine was involved in that conversation. As is the Big Guy’s way, he mulled this over for some time without mentioning it to me again, while I went on my merry way completely forgetting I’d said that (as is my way).
Last week while I was once again fooling around with my hair color, he said, “You’re right. Go ahead and color my hair. But, you know, something subtle. Don’t make it look obvious. Just make it look better.” Oh foolish man.
I picked what I thought would be the right shade of manly hide-the-gray haircolor and proceeded to apply it. When the time was up, I helped him wash it out and was therefore able to see the color before he did. My heart began doing some kind of African jungle beat.
His hair was black. Black, I’m telling you.
Joe took one look at his head and started hyperventilating. He had to lead a church ministry meeting in an hour and a half.
“I can fix this,” I said. He put on a hat, I pushed him into the car, and we drove to Walgreens, while I sensitively laughed myself breathless. I knew I could fix this, after all.
He paced up and down the haircolor aisle moaning, “What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?”
“There’s a product that removes the hair dye. We’ll take the color out, and then dye it the right color. Look, there’s a sign that says it’s even on sale.”
“THE RACK IS EMPTY!!”
“Shh! There’s more. See? We’re fine.” He hid behind me while I paid and we rushed home.
This product does in fact remove hair dye. However I did not know (and did not notice in my rush) that it actually kind of bleaches your hair. We watched the clock in agony and rinsed it out at the bare minimum time.
I took another look at Joe’s hair and began to pray. His head was spotted. He was a giant upright Dalmatian. Who had a ministry meeting in an hour.
Some parts were bleached. Some had turned a fairly natural strawberry blond color. And there were still spots of black. Joe had tears in his eyes.
“I can fix this,” I said. “We’ll dye the uneven parts and it will all be the same color. Maybe it’s not subtle, but you know, the blonde parts look pretty good.”
Fifteen minutes later he had a relatively even strawberry blond going. He looked in the mirror and sighed. “Everyone’s going to know I dyed my hair.”
“I think it looks great.”
“This is exactly what I didn’t want. People are going to think I need to dye my hair because I’m vain. Or I’m ashamed of my age.”
“I can fix it,” I said. “Run over to Great Clips and get a haircut. That way, people will look and you and think, ‘Something’s different. What is it? Did he cut his hair?’”
Joe returned with a complete lack of those silky curls I love so much. His hair was short. Very short.
When he came home from the meeting, I woke up and said, “How did it go? Did anyone mention your hair?”
“EVERYBODY mentioned my hair.”
“I’m so sorry, honey,” I said, and tried not to laugh.
That is SO hysterical! OMGosh, I’m rolling on the ground here. My stomach hurts. I would have loved to seen the reactions when Big Guy showed up at his ministry meeting!! Way to go getting him to color his hair.
Josie, my husband always says time plus tragedy equals comedy, so I guess it’s OK to laugh now. But he was SOOO freaked out at the time!
I think this is probably his last dye job. I think he may go fetal on me if I ever bring it up again.
Poor Guy , I can feel for him . But its still funny!
Angela I’m positively howling here, Miss I Can Fix It! Oh must never show this to my husband, he’ll never let me fix his…ahem….naturally highlighted hair!
Soa, Stacey, I feel sorry for him, too. But you know it is a little funny. In a tragic way. You know.
Oh Angela! I was tearing from laughter as I tried not to laugh out loud as I am in the quiet room of my local library! Oh your poor hubby! I am so sorry for him and yet so happy that you could post this hysterical story!!!! Just tell him for me that he is the best chef (I love his recipes) and a great sport!
Ello, I just got an email from the Big Guy, and he says he’s officially a fan of yours, now!
Glad he’s keeping us all laughing and well-fed.
Type your comment here.
Oh, that was wonderful. You told that story so well. Yaya kept looking at me and saying, “what’s so funny, mama?” Unfortunately, I couldn’t breathe, I was laughing so hard. Now, she is convinced that I really am crazy!
BTW – love the new digs!
I’m sure that this experience was horrendous to live through, but very funny to read. You know, when women screw up their hair, seldom do they shave it all off, but men have that option. They still look sexy with a shiny pate. Have him tell everyone he’s undergoing chemo; he’ll at least get sympathy.
Poor hubby! What a funny story – well, for an observer. I do like a short haircut though – guess it worked out after all!
Ahna, glad you like my new design, and glad I made you laugh!
Hi Cousin Sue! Glad you found me. You’re right, it’s highly unlikely I’d shave my head after a bad dye job…on the other hand, we women don’t have the stigma about dyeing our hair.
Mary, I think his hair looks great, but he doesn’t. And I do miss his curls, they were so fun too play with! I know, TMI.
Oh gosh, I see my google ads are all about gray hair, now! Hey, I’ve got a great idea, gentle readers. Click on them and win me valuable free prizes! Thx.
So funny! My husband does the bald head thing – you should have suggested that to yours as a next step. It is, after all, all the rage with the younger crowd
Well told, enormously funny. Makes me curious about dying my man’s hair. Hmmmm.
Ohhhhh! I feel so bad for him but at the same time I am COMPLETELY cracking up!!
Swishy, so many people have gotten laughter from my husband’s pain. He really has done us a public service!
Lime, you should totally do it. But just don’t let your man read this post first!
Although I feel for the guy, I had one of the best laughs in a long time! Thanks! I think many, many of us can relate. We’ve all been there in some way:-)
I’m laughing so hard the dogs think I’ve lost my mind and the bird is cackling right along with me!
Hubby’s hair is now pure silver. He started turning gray in his 20s and was salt and peppery up until about 2 years ago when the last of the pepper vanished. I’ve tried to get him get it colored. He won’t for the very reasons you’ve shown here! I’m not sure he’d take it even half as well as Big Guy did, so I guess I’ll just have to keep telling people that I’m proud of every gray hair I put on his head! ;o)
I’ll have to use that line too. And under no circumstances should your husband read this post!
Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s Carnival of Family Life hosted at Beauty and Personal Grooming! Be sure to check out the other wonderful entries this week! And if you would like to host a future edition of the Carnival, you can check out the schedule here and then let me know the week you are interested in.
Have a wonderful Sunday — and Easter (if you are celebrating)!
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Gets my vote for best on the humor carnival. Good stuff!
Thanks, Guru!