Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
If you are going to a coffee shop meeting with two local businesswomen, don’t wear those gorgeous heels from the thrift shop that were the perfect size when you bought them, but have suddenly become 1 size too large since you brought them home. And don’t stuff the toes with small rolled-up socks so that they fit a little better, just to get through the meeting in a stylish pair of shoes.
Because you will slip and slide all over the ice getting into the restaurant and the pain of your scrunched-up toes amongst those socks will make you want to chew said toes right off your body. And when you walk to the table, one of your heels will fall out of your shoe, leaving the shoe flapping, and there is no way to discreetly slip your foot back into the shoe because the back has folded under your heel. If you are lucky to get to your seat without turning your ankle, falling on the slush-wet floor and spilling burning-hot Tazo Zen Green Tea over your face and disfiguring yourself forever, you will quietly take off your shoes and unkink your toes in relief.
But two hours later when you need to go to the Ladies’ room, you will know that it is not possible to walk in those shoes without risking further injury or imitating Quasimodo’s limping gait, so you will have to pad, sock-clad, across the store and hope that your business partners see you as one of those quirky yet earthy writers who feel more comfortable barefoot.
And when you finally leave the meeting, you will need to let the other ladies walk in front of you, while you try to hold your shoes onto your feet with all the power of your muscular toes until you get into your car and can finally rip them off and throw them against the back window.
So just don’t do it.
Published by angelawd on March 3rd, 2008 tagged Just Act Normal, Just Sayin'
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:18 pm
How do shoes get a size too big? This happened to my favorite pair of heels, too. I put them on to go with a party dress and just about broke my neck walking from the closet to the kitchen. I ended up wearing a not-very-stylish pair of flats instead.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Haha! This sounds like a grown-up version of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”
I don’t know what’s worse, though: the scenario you so hilariously describe, or having that cute new pair of heels suddenly become a size too small, forcing you to give four and a half hours’ of lecture in excruciating pain, with a cute co-ed in the front row pointing out during the last hour that there is blood oozing through the lattice design over the toe of both shoes; then, after removing the shoes to affix bandaids to bleeding toes, finding you can’t put them back on again, forcing you to give the last 90 minutes of lecture in your blood-soaked stocking feet.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:48 am
OMGoodness I laughed so loud my daughter came downstairs to see what was going on! That’s so priceless, Angela…sorry you had to endure such torture but hey, all in the name of entertaining your blogfriends, right? Thrift shopping is the bomb! I adore them! xo
March 4th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Tee hee - sounds like it was a good workout for your lower legs. Really, that sounds just like something that would happen to me.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:40 am
I thought your comments on shoes was hilarious. I am sure you were making a serious point though. I had to laugh, (sorry) because I have watched Women come in to interview for a position on our sales team, and could tell right off the bat, tht their feet were sore. I had to think to myself, if there feet hurt now, wht is going to happen, when they are in the field, visiting Salons! I used to run a Hair Care Products Distribution Company. Now I retail on the internet. WE carry Trevor Sorbie, Hayashi, HInoki, Mastey and Tri Products. Of course, Trevor Sorbie is still my all time favorite! In all the years I have been in this business, I have never found another product that came close.
Thanks for the laughs, I really needed it today!
March 4th, 2008 at 6:44 am
AAAACK! And also ha ha ha ha! I once wore a pair of spiky heeled sandals to a business meeting. And the heel got stuck in the safety tread on some concrete stairs and I fell flat on my face. The shoe stayed where it was though - firmly stuck in the tread stuff.
That wasn’t embarrassing at ALL.
I hate shoes.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Pamela, I just don’t understand shoe sizes. Something happens to them in the closet.
Kalynne, that sounds awful! I think the blood and all is much worse.
Stacey, as long as we can laugh about it, it’s all good!
Motherwise, I didn’t think about the workout. Guess I should have had that yummy gooey brownie in the display case.
Sue, that sounds painful! Is the shoe still stuck there now??
March 4th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Thanks for the laugh!
March 5th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
That is SOOOO funny! What a great description of the hassle of ill-fitting shoes. I would love to know what your companions thought when you went to the bathroom without your shoes?!?
March 5th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Josie, I’d love to know, too. Maybe they never even noticed.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:01 am
That is one of the funniest horror stories I’ve heard in ages! Thanks for the much needed giggles!
March 12th, 2008 at 2:01 am
HEY! What happened to my comment?? AACK! Oh well, I’m here now. Having had my share of shoe-related problems I totally understand the need to just leave ‘em lay and pad off barefoot! Thank God mine have never involved blood, though. Poor Kalynne!
Thanks, Ang, for the huge laugh! I’m adding this to my Other people’s stuff!!