It all ends in death.
My dear husband enjoys my imagination, especially when it results in a blockbuster novel (OK, it will someday) or an amusing story. But my tendency to imagine the Worst Case Scenario for every situation tries the patience of even St. Joe. Remember the crawl space incident?
I suppose it’s not so much fun to come home late from work and have your wife embrace you, white-faced, because she imagined you dead in a ditch somewhere (people who go missing always end up dead in a ditch, or I dunno, a shallow grave dug by a psychotic mass murderer) and all she can think of is I DIDN’T GET TO TELL HIM I LOVED HIM ONE LAST TIME! And I’M SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID THE OTHER DAY! Because even though, at that point, you have physical evidence that you are not, in fact, dead in a ditch, your wife has imagined it to the point looking dolefully out the window in case the police are coming with bad news, instead of her tardy husband.
Which brings us to lunch.
It was raining all morning and by the time I had built my lunchtime Caprese salad, the thunder and lightning had begun. I realized that to go out to the herb garden to cut some fresh basil would surely end in death by a bolt of lightning that would travel straight through my herb clippers and knock me senseless. But a Caprese salad without fresh basil is, well, a bunch of tomatoes and cheese. Should I risk death for some seasoning?
See, Joe thinks it all ends in death, but in fact it all ends in life. By imagining the ways that me and my loved ones could be hurt, I save us from imminent danger, day after day. My family lives as a result of my rampant imagination.
(I know what you’re thinking and I am NOT demented.)
So back to lunch. After a little consideration and a lot of lightning, I decided to risk all and trust that the rubber handles of the clippers would save me from electrocution. My salad was saved, my life was spared, and now it’s on to new daydreams. Such as how my autograph will look when signing my blockbuster novels, and what dress I’ll wear to the premiere of the movie based on my NY Times bestseller.
Published by angelawd on June 3rd, 2008 tagged Joyful living
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I start looking for that police car to pull up in front, too. What’s wrong with us?
June 4th, 2008 at 6:05 am
I am laughing SO hard … you totally sound like me. Ha ha.
June 4th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
You GO for that dream! I love it, “it all ends in life.”
p.s. mmmm Caprese Salad. yum.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
@suburban, I dunno. I think it’s that creative imagination that haunts us.
@Swishy, I knew you’d understand. But at least we’re all safe, right?
@Josie, see, I am protecting my family from dire consequences. What if I had no imagination and couldn’t foresee danger?
June 4th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I only worry too much when DH is away from home. The business trip to
Khazakstan a few years ago was definitely “trying to my patience.
Otherwise, I don’t get TOO crazy.
I like your concept though…Your worries do help keep your family safe!
Blessings, EJT
June 4th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Oh gosh, Elzabeth, I would be SO worried if my DH was in the Middle East right now!