Another trip on the family rollercoaster
My parents retired last week, and we joined about 50 other people who love them in celebrating their careers. It was amazing to me to see how they’d touched so many peoples’ lives and how many people wished them well. In fact, my mom was taken out to lunch by a group of former students, who each told her how their lives had been changed by things she had taught them. It made writing for a living seem a little less…essential to the world. I’m so proud of them.
The vast family land holdings in Ohio include a pine forest, stocked pond, and a field of sunflowers. The little kids spent most of the incredibly hot days swimming or fishing while the adults all looked for someplace shady to put their lawnchairs.
I followed my adorable niece and nephews around all day, taking photos and chasing frogs with them.
Though our family’s volume tends to rise within minutes of beginning to speak to each other, we only had one moment when Joe begged us all to lower our voices because his ears were starting to hurt. After that, we were outdoors, so it didn’t really matter, except to the neighbors on the other side of the cornfields.
For the first time, I was able to meet the college students from Ghana that my parents sponsor; these ladies spend all holidays and celebrations with my parents. They were kind and beautiful and we had some interesting conversations. I don’t know who is blessed more by this adoption into our family - us or them?
Sunday we drove up to Michigan for my nephew Alex’s baptism. Their small church offers baptism to anyone making a personal choice to be baptized (rather than being baptized as an infant). They also practice full-immersion baptism, which is lovely. The church held their service in a member’s backyard and baptized the people in their pool.
Hm, I wonder, can little kids pee in a pool after it’s been used for a baptism?
But I digress. The ceremony was moving and my tears were so heavy I could hardly see through my camera lens. After Alex changed, he came back outside and gave his mom a big hug. I was wiping tears away and he turned to me and said, “Do you need a hug, too?” I sure did. I feel truly honored to be a part of other peoples’ faith journeys in this way.
First Born wasn’t able to take time off of work to join us, but a rather sour-tempered Little One came along with us. She doesn’t like the outdoors, doesn’t swim in ponds, doesn’t fish, and doesn’t have any cousins her age. Her parents were punished for this. She would irritably slap at mosquitoes, and then snap at me for having the audacity to suggest she apply some bug spray. “I DON’T KNOW!” with a long-suffering sigh was her response to to my bad-mannered inquiry about whether she was still feeling carsick. As you might imagine, this required a fair amount of parental correction, while I became more irritated and less loving throughout the weekend.
We got home Sunday night and found Jenn’s Junior year final grades in our mail. In retrospect, I see that she was frustrated by the weekend and disappointed in her grades. But at the time all I saw was her flinging the paper aside and storming up to her room. I followed her and asked if everything was okay, and she yelled, “I’m just sick of family! I want out of this house! I hate it here!”
I was so hurt. What had I done? I told her if she really hated it here she should go someplace that she wanted to live. Which she did, immediately taking off for her dad’s house.
I know, I know, it’s all teenage stuff, and the reaction of a hormonal girl who blows things up out of any sense of proportion. But that doesn’t erase the hurt. These times of rejection are so painful, especially when she chooses to go to her dad, who was only present to serve as a hurtful example of his own brand of rejection in her life up until now. This constant rollercoaster is so hard to live through.
I know that someday life with Jenn will get better. It just hurts so much right now.
Published by angelawd on June 10th, 2008 tagged Joyful living, Mom of Teens
June 10th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Oh my gosh Angela, I am incredibly sorry. I’d love to say I wish I knew what you were feeling, but sadly, you know I know. And I am sorry. And prayer will be said for you ALL, for it impacts everyone. Please email if you need me, and I will be glad to give you my AIM and my phone number, I’m here. xoxoxo
June 11th, 2008 at 12:52 am
Wow, Angela, it sounds like it was rough! I’m sad to hear that the weekend ended this way. I’m thinking of you and of your daughter.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:51 am
I know the hurt. I just found myself saying to a friend, “It’s just constant pain, living with a teen daughter who rejects you. Constant pain, and I never get used to it.” Poor woman, she’s not having these problems and will probably need to start avoiding me if I keep talking like that. That’s the problem with this sort of thing; the pain is so isolating, just when you need support.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Stacey, thanks so much. I know you know exactly what it’s like. I will contact you separately.
Heather, thanks for your thoughts!
Suburban, you’re absolutely right, it’s a constant pain. I had no idea how much it would hurt. And true, you can’t talk to other parents when they’re talking about how wonderful their own kids are.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:27 am
I know the pain, also. But hopefully, by the time you read this comment, the roller coaster will be on the upswing again. Does your Notebook help with something like this? It’s not anything you’ve done; you know it and so does Jenn. Try to look at the situation with a “God’s-eye view.” That’s helped me; thinking that however badly my child is behaving toward me, I’ve behaved worse toward Him…and then I can turn that thought into prayer for my child. (Does this make sense?)
June 12th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
You totally make sense. And you’re right…we’re on the upswing again. Sigh.