As the pink slip stalks ever closer
Note: this post is just one big whine, and you might want to go read something more funny. I understand. I just need these words out of my head.
Last night our church council had another meeting to once again discuss how to handle the church budget crisis. I’m sure you’re disappointed that you couldn’t attend, as riveting as that meeting sounds. Up until now, all the staff members have been told is, “Staff cuts will have to be made.” Today, nothing. No news.
I know we’re not the only family to face layoffs; in fact, my own corporate layoff was only 2 years ago, and my entire department had layoffs dangled before our faces for years before they actually axed us. But kids, this is my church home. When my husband came to work for the church, it put a barrier between me and many church members not unlike the barrier that crops up when a co-worker becomes your supervisor.
I’d like to grumble, “You’ll all be SORRY when he’s gone!”, but how do you really wish that on your congregation? On top of that, if he’s laid off, is it a good thing for him to collect unemployment against the church? And finally, a fifty-year-old man who took three years out of a thriving career of middle management and national sales directorship to work for a non-profit job at half his previous income does not make a tantalizing new hire prospect back in the corporate world. Unless he went to Divinity school and became an ordained minister, he’s unlikely to find another ministry director job.
I’m trying to be resilient and faithful, but truth be told I’m really feeling sorry for myself. I remember a conversation Joe had with a social worker one time, about how a person’s stress level can be measured by the number of stressful life events that happen in a given time period. I checked myself against these events today, and saw that Joe and I have been in a state of perpetual stress since we married. When you add up your score, the threshold for stress is 100; my score was 738.
Marriage? Yep. Major injury? How about that foot reconstruction that left me unable to walk for almost a year. Family illness? Family death? Yeah, in a major way. Loss of jobs? Change in jobs? Change in careers? Uh-huh. Daughter moving out, change in church and social activities, all of that stuff. Yet I’m still breathing.
Honestly? I’m not okay, though I tell everyone that I am. I waver between wanting to crawl back into bed and wanting to jump into my car and ride off into this beautiful summer afternoon, not stopping till I reach a place of warm sandy beaches and no heartache. If there is such a place.
But instead I am going to put one foot in front of the other, and trust that God is going to help me through to a brighter day.
Published by angelawd on June 17th, 2008 tagged Just Act Normal
June 18th, 2008 at 3:11 am
Ohhhh, sweetie. Life can be hard sometimes. It WILL get better, although it doesn’t always feel like it when you’re in the moment. I know you know that … it sucks, though, huh? Hang in there.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Thanks, Swishy! I needed that encouragement.
June 19th, 2008 at 3:26 am
Angela,
This reminds me of the quote from Mother Teresa: “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!”
God must trust you and your family a lot. And He will be with you - even in those moments when it’s hardest to feel His presence.
His Word says: ”
God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’” ~ Hebrews 13:5-6 (NIV)
June 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Wow, that is a lot of stress. Hang in there and with God’s help and guidance you guys will get through it all. It’s too bad that there has to be so much stress from church. God’s love can carry you through. I’m praying for you.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
I certainly feel for you and your family. You questioned whether or not it would be right for your husband to draw unemployment against the church. If they paid it in, then he has the right. It may or may not cause the percentage the church pays in umemployment to rise in the future. But nonetheless, that’s what it is paid to the state for. So, if he does get laid off, then by all means, I would vote for him to go for it. But that is just my opinion.
June 20th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Thanks for the encouragement, Josie and Lillie!
Margie, that’s a great point. I don’t know that much about unemployment. Thanks for the advice.
June 28th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I know this is random, coming from a total stranger and perhaps a bit late since this post has been up for a while. But I feel the need to leave a little something for you.
I took and tallied up my points from the stressful life events and came in just under 800. “I’m fine…I’ll get through this” was the brave face I showed the world.
Six months after that (I was pregnant at the time) I was hospitalized with breathing difficulties. A year after that, my thyroid went caput…in a big way and I was pregnant again.
All of that was totally stress related and became physical ailments. I prayed, fasted, attended church and did all the standard Christian things. Yet I was lacking time for myself. Time to care for myself properly by eating properly, exercising and reading good books.
So, from one stranger to another, and I have no clue what the particulars are in your life at this time, I hope you will find time for you. Time to take care of your physical and emotional needs which I hope might help sustain your spirit in this time of trial.
I hope things get better and I hope you will find the strength you need to weather such terrible storms. I will think of you this day and pray that the Lord is continually mindful of you…and I know He is!
June 30th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Lindsay, what kind, wise words. I also forget to physically care for myself during rough times. But the physical influences the mental…time to take care of myself!