Cinci Scene
Last weekend, I traveled with the Big Guy to a convention for our financial services business. Given my recent stressors and my current emotional state, I was thinking that a weekend in a mental hospital would have been a much better choice than a weekend in Cincinnati. And if you’re laughing right now, you shouldn’t be.
It’s a measure of our troubles that Joe did not ask me if I wanted to go to the convention and I did not tell him I didn’t want to go. Since he has been more involved in our part-time business lately, and since I had a number of freelance writing deadlines to complete, I took the role of manager/handler while Joe attended workshops. This did not improve my attitude.
An Indiana highway ate my hubcap. It took an hour and a half to check in, while I sent Joe on with a sandwich and notebook. A modern hotel with no free wifi, only an ethernet connection; to me, ethernet is so old I didn’t even remember the last time I owned a cable, but to the elderly concierge, requesting a loaner ethernet cable was like asking my Grandma to build me a Flash video. And my Grandma’s dead.
However, we were in a gorgeous room on the 22nd floor with a view across Cinci and into Kentucky. I kept pretending the lacy iron bridges were spanning the Monogahela River just because I liked the name, but evenutally I conceded that I was looking at the Ohio river. Cinci looks like it had been in a long slow decline after maybe the Civil War but might be on the brink of urban renewal. There was juicy architecture and wonderful details I never get to see in soulless suburbia.
Navigating a 32-story hotel and the Duke Energy Convention Center tried my patience, especially when it took half an hour to catch a non-full elevator, and the nearest ATM was half a mile from the Grand Ballroom. Simple problems such as a malfunctioning toilet paper roll made my mind fill up with swear words.
But Saturday night I filled up on anti-anxiety meds and networked with the Big Guy. We make a great team. The VPs were all wearing tuxes, which meant that any guy with a satin stripe down his pants was someone we should spend time with. “There’s one,” I’d say. “What was his presentation about? What can you tell me about him?” Then I’d nose in and ask him questions related to his talk. We received some great information about business.
One successful leader told us how neither of us could be successful in our business if we didn’t support each other. He suggested reading a book on positive thinking and discussing it with each other. And then I realized how I thought I was supporting my husband, but how little I was actually doing it.
I imagined Joe as a boxer, fighting some guy in the ring, getting all bloody and sweaty while I stood in the corner doing whatever the coach guy does. Except that when the bell rings and both the fighters go back to their corners, it’s like I punch him, too. “You should do it this way.” “Why don’t you do that?” “I don’t understand why you’re handling things this way.”
No matter what happens, Joe and I are on the same team. We need to work together in different ways than we have up until now. Maybe this is a lesson that gets easier with time, as we’re married for longer than (almost) four years.
This revelation got us out of the hotel with a minimum of crabbiness (and let me just say I was not the ONLY crabby person in this particular marriage). I packed and got Joe coffee and brought the car around before the mad rush of 3999 conventioneers descended on the checkout desk. We worked well as a team.
And then on the way home, the hotel called to let us know I’d left the laptop and Joe’s briefcase in the room.
Published by angelawd on August 5th, 2008 tagged Life With the Big Guy
August 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Oh, sister - I feel your pain.
Hang in there!
As they say, “this, too, shall pass.”
OR
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
OR
“It’s darkest just before the dawn.”
OR
“It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”
Did any of that help? Nope. Didn’t think so.
I know that you will make the best of a really tough situation. Know that there are lots of us out here cheering for you! And sending lots and lots of good thoughts your way!
August 5th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Sounds like you did a lot of support in the midst of not even wanting to be there. That’s awesome.
I was very touched by your boxer analogy. What a convicting look at supporting our spouse. I think I need to evaluate the way I support my spouse. Thank you for the wake up call!
God’s peace!
August 6th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Wow, what a trip from hell. The only thing good about these trips is that they make really good stories. (Sorry)
PS. I work full time with my husband, we should chat. LOL
August 6th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Ahna, keep trying, one of those old sayings is bound to work! Thanks for your positive vibes coming my way.
Josie, you are so sweet. The LAST thing I felt was supportive. Well, if it gives someone a wakeup call, I guess that’s a good thing.
Robin, definitely, let’s talk!
August 12th, 2008 at 3:27 am
I love the fighter analogy. It is so easy to fall into that mode even as a parent. But in either the marriage or the parent/child relationship it can be so damaging. Thanks for reminding me to CUT IT OUT!
Sorry you had suck a rough trip, but it sounds like ultimately some real good came out of it.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:56 am
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