Culture Shock: a Photo Essay
I like to tell people that when I first moved to Illinois at age 17, I’d never been in a traffic jam, never used a revolving door, and thought my older sister’s dorm building was wicked cool because it had…an elevator. She could ride it anytime she wanted!
Last weekend we drove to the Big Guy’s family home in Iowa. It was culture shock in reverse, reminding me of my rural Michigan upbringing in a town of less than 2000. I went to the land where trucker hats and cowboy boots are functional pieces of apparel, not fashion accessories. Where you can tour the local carnival and still run into an old high school sweetheart.
Where the people you meet remember your Grandma’s baking and can point out the damaged sign where your sexagenarian brother-in-law wiped out in a drunken teenage accident. Where the weather is a source of economic concern, and anyone can name any breed of cattle that you pass. The land of 4-H and Future Farmers of America, century farms, good plain cooking and lots of cousins.
One year Joe and I came to visit the clan and went out to the car to get something. In the middle of a private moment of affection, we heard someone holler, “Little Joey? Is that you?” An old friend of the family was peering through the other side of the car. She hadn’t seen little Joey in, I don’t know, donkey’s years.
It’s also the land of strong opinions. People strongly believe that the price of selling corn matters, and they deeply care whether that hog operation was built too close to decent folks’ houses. I successfully escaped political discussions, which are not so easy to avoid in Iowa, but did engage in the following exchange:
Her: “I JUST THINK that people who come to America should speak English.”
Me: “What language did they speak on your trip to the Dominican Republic?”
Her: “In the resort they all spoke English, but in the cities they mostly spoke Spanish.”
Me: “Did you speak Spanish to them?”
Her: “No, I don’t know that much Spanish.”
This year marked several milestone birthdays - my mother-in-law Eunice reached 90 years of age, and her brother Dick reached 80. Think of it! 90 years of Thanksgiving dinners and folding laundry; peeling potatoes and changing diapers. When Eunice was a girl, their home had no indoor plumbing; they still used an outhouse. She could drive a team of draft horses and got her drivers’ license at age 12. Right after World War II, she and her husband got dressed up for a big trip to Chicago. Tomahawk, a prize show steer they’d been raising, brought in the largest amount of money yet paid for beef cattle. She still has a letter of commendation from the White House.
There was a big party and my own parents actually came along! I am so blessed to be a part of two such loving families. What fun it is to see the births, growing up, and aging of family members, see the circle widen as we marry and bring our own families together with others, add new members and celebrate the lives of others. I’m thankful for that gift.
Published by angelawd on July 9th, 2008 tagged Joyful living, My Ex-Life | 2 Comments »
Cleaning my spirit house
There are times that life strips you bare, clean of all your illusions and comfortable ways of looking at yourself and the world. Though we can never be free of subjectivity, these moments of clarity can be painful as we see the flimsy props that hold up our self-esteem and our chosen way of life.
Some people experience this through a natural disaster, like the floods that have destroyed so much in the Midwest, or the terrible earthquake and its aftermath in China. Sometimes it’s personal tragedy like death, illness, loss of a job, or divorce, or financial ruin. As disaster sweeps away all the material belongings we surround ourselves with, as well as many of our relationships and our sources of identity, we are forced to re-evaluate ourselves and our lives.
For me, it has come over the last few weeks as I realized the identity I thought I had in my church was false. The people I relied on and thought of as friends did not behave the way I wanted them to. The many changes, job reversals, illnesses, goodbyes, and deaths of this past year have me floundering around in quicksand, while others around me ambled through them with a minimum of fuss and tears. I kept thinking I should be like them, be more resilient, be stronger, suck it up. Plaster on the smile and pretend. But that is not being true to who I really am.
I once thought that as you mature, you come up with a definition of yourself that you carry with you the rest of your life. Now I see that major and even minor events require you to adjust your identity or stagnate. We derive so much of our sense of self from outward factors. But our spouses, or children, our homes, posessions, communities, relatives, friends, jobs, health, hobbies - none of it is promised to us. At any moment those things that prop us up and give our lives meaning can be taken away. The only thing that is eternally promised to us is our salvation.
That doesn’t mean that I should lay back and wait for death, though on some dark days it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Instead, I believe it means that we should not hold so closely to the external things that decorate our existence. The primary thing - the one thing that will never disappear - is our relationship with God. Though the whole world might turn its back on me, God will never leave me and never stop loving me.
I’m cleaning house. I’m clearing my spirit of all the things I once thought were necessary, the things that I blindly thought defined me. I’m cleaning out the misplaced trust that I put in humans and the things of humans, those things that will never truly satisfy, and placing that trust back in the one who created me. I’m evaluating my life and developing a new sense of self, one in harmony with God and the world around me, one that is based on the eternal, not the ephemeral. I only have one life to live, and I’m going to make it a good one.
Published by angelawd on July 8th, 2008 tagged Healing | 7 Comments »
This post was going to be completely different.
You may remember that my husband is waiting for his pink slip. Yesterday, he met with the interim pastor and learned that, indeed, two of the three church directors will be laid off. Which ones will be eliminated? No one is saying, yet. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. And then the pastor suggested that this is a time to celebrate their accomplishments. What did he have in mind? Was he hoping that the sting of losing his job would be eased by the feel-good thoughts of all the good work Joe has done? Or was he thinking the church should throw a going-away party? At this point, my wonderful Christian husband almost told the pastor to fug off. But of course, he did not.
Last weekend I wrote an email to the church council asking them to consider the pain and stress of the directors’ current situation - and then to pray for us and offer us some encouragement and support. I didn’t ask them to alter any decisions; I was just asking them to stop ostracizing us. Since many of the leaders are also my friends, I mentioned how I had encouraged them in similar situations, such as times when they faced layoffs themselves. I pointed out how they could go to their church family for support and I was asking my friends to extend friendship to us at this time.
It’s been five days, and I’ve received exactly one response: one leader said he was going through difficult times, too, and asked me to pray for him.
I can’t believe how much this is hurting. I’ve been a very active member of this church for almost 15 years and I thought I mattered more to the people there. Last night Joe and I talked for hours about the situation and our future, and a bottle of wine and my own inner ugliness took hold of my attitude. Today that ugliness was going to spill all over my blog page. I mean, what good is a blog if you can’t blog about it?
And then I received this email from my friend Becky. She said:
“How exciting to have a new chapter of bigger and better things unfolding. Doesn’t God use these struggles to draw us closer to Him and make us rely completely on him and trust in His will?
I wil be waiting patiently to hear of your future blessings and in the meantime praying for the both of you to have peace and perseverence as he reshapes and prepares you for your future.”
I was not yet ready to praise God. I wanted to hit back at the people who have hurt us. I wasn’t ready to embrace our future.
Then I read my morning blogroll, and came across this amazing post by Men With Pens: Losing It All and Starting Over. It hit me square between the eyes with the message that we are strong, we are powerful, and there are new opportunities for us to grab. Joe and I have abilities that have hardly even been tapped yet. We’ve done amazing things in the past and we can do amazing things again. The doors are open.
Now, if I can get through my day with that attitude, that will really be something to celebrate.
Happy Independence Day, y’all!
Published by angelawd on July 3rd, 2008 tagged Healing, Joyful living | 4 Comments »
Is there a doctor in the house?
After an incredible week in Charlottesville last fall, I came to terms with a sobering truth: unless I change my ways, I will grow bigger and bigger until the weight of my body crushes the house and when I die they’ll need a piano case and a forklift to get me in the grave. Because they don’t make crematoriums big enough for my fat ass.
And then? I failed to lose weight.
New Years’ Day we finished the leftovers of a feast and then prepared for famine. By Easter? I’d lost 3 pounds. And then I foolishly, CRAZILY agreed to my sister-in-law’s challenge to lose 15 pounds by the 4th of July.
I SEE HER IN 4 DAYS AND HAVEN’T LOST A POUND! Or rather, I did lose some weight, but it promptly found me again.
How much weight can I lose in 4 days? Perhaps on a celery and water fast? Could I heal from self-induced liposuction by Friday? People? Anyone?
Published by angelawd on July 1st, 2008 tagged Just Sayin' | 3 Comments »
How to love your neighbor
I was going to write a post today about the awesome man of God who passed away this weekend, and the beloved friend who is leaving our church to start a pastoral internship in Tulsa.
I’m not writing about them. Or maybe I am.
I have been thinking about the people who go out of their way to make the world just a little better. Not in some big global way, but in little ways the lives of the people around them. And I want to encourage everyone who reads this to find a way to make something better or more beautiful for the people around them. OK?
My friend Jane has a pretty flexible schedule and for years she has spent part of her day working at a table the local Panera. She even has meetings there. During these years, she began to notice an unwed pregnant cashier and she started talking to her. Over time, she got to know Amber pretty well and they became friends. Eventually Amber and her boyfriend and children accepted Jane’s invitation to come to church with her. They found some hope and peace there that was of value to them, and other family members started coming, too. However, Jane didn’t fully realize how much her friendship helped the family, until Amber lost her father and newborn baby within the same year. Their church family and the hope of eternal life have sustained the family since then.
My friend Mark is a senior executive for one of the largest food companies in the world. This weekend, he and his lady friend took a young man to the movies - the man’s last request before beginning to serve a prison sentence on Tuesday.
The world can be a hard, cold place. We need to love each other to make life worthwhile. What kindness can you show the world? What love have you seen recently? Please, encourage us all!
Published by angelawd on June 30th, 2008 tagged Daily Christianity, Joyful living | 7 Comments »
Light up my life!
I need more lighting.
On our back deck, there is an old double spotlight with a sensor that is supposed to turn on when it senses movement in the yard. Instead, it only turns on in the middle of a windstorm when we’re watching scary movies late at night. At that point, nobody wants to go to the sliding door and see what might be stirring out there. And even though Joe’s grill is directly below it, he still has to wave his hands right in front of the sensor every time it turns off while he’s cooking.
Because I hate shopping in actual stores, I’m glad I found the internet site Farrey’s that has a huge inventory of home lighting. Using their search options, I found a couple of deck lights that would go well with our somewhat Colonial-style house - ones that stay lit, regardless of whether there are monsters standing on the deck or not. I have my eye on a really pretty but inexpensive Sea Gull wall lamp (no, it’s not a lamp in the shape of a sea gull) that is enclosed with glass on all sides so I won’t have to empty out dead bugs all the time. Hey, I’m a practical girl! In fact, we might be able to move the current on-again-off-again spotlight to the dark side of the house where we keep the trash bins - and where I’m certain I’ll meet death by coyote one night while taking out the trash. How ’bout a little light, wild dogs?
On to my other lighting needs. Remember when we brought home my grandma’s sewing machine? Well, the Big Guy believes the best place for this machine is in the family room, where Jenn, if she ever gets the urge to sew something, can combine sewing with TV-watching so that she never has to miss one of her favorite shows. Can you imagine how that would turn out? Well, never being one to question my DH’s wisdom, I agreed - but the problem is, the only spot for the sewing machine is in a peculiarly dark zone between the dining room and family room. There’s no room for a floor lamp, and the machine is too small to hold a table lamp.
I went looking on Farrey’s for a wall sconce, and found so many cool designs I almost want to redecorate. But I fell in love with this contemporary Minka Lavery wall sconce that matches the venetian plaster-like paint job in our kitchen and the lampshades in the rest of the room. See how easy I’m making it to shop for me? Just remember, there’s only six more months until Christmas!
Published by angelawd on June 27th, 2008 tagged Blogging, Joyful living | 2 Comments »
There is a cure for butter
I have despaired of ever breaking my inner puppy from eating butter. I mean…oh gosh, how can I say this without shocking you all? Eating butter RIGHT OFF THE STICK. There, I’ve admitted it now.
“Hi, I’m Angelawd, and I’m a butter eater.”
“Hi, Angelawd.”
The cure? It comes from my amazing Internet friend Sue, who I hope to meet someday. She writes about Uncomfortable Stuff, and I don’t mean too-small panties. Read it, and maybe give it a thought. Who knows where it will lead? To less butter consumption, maybe.
Published by angelawd on June 24th, 2008 tagged Daily Christianity | Comment now »
Is it wrong to punch your host?
This was a weekend full of parties, but as the weekend drew closer, one event caused me some anxiety: the Saturday night worship band party.
Remember that ghost I recently banished? His name came up again - this time, it appeared he was hosting the party. What’s up with this? I don’t think of this person for like, 15 years, and now? Brain-stalking?
I spent the week dithering about whether to sail into the party with supreme confidence and face him, even if it was that horrid guy from high school. But eventually I decided that I’d be smarter just calling up my friend to check if it was the same guy I never wanted to see again.
“I have a strange question about the party.”
“Ooo-kay?”
“You’ve met this guy John (lastname), right?”
“Yeah, sure?”
“What can you tell me about him? Do you know where he’s from?”
“Ummmm…”
“See, I used to know a guy with that name, and if it’s the same person, I’m not going to be that thrilled to see him. I’d just like to, you know, be prepared.”
“I don’t know where he’s from.”
“Okay, what can you tell me? What does he look like? What color is his hair? Do you know how old he is?”
{I’m not usually this manic. This was a very special situation. You understand.}
After she described a few physicial characteristics, I was calmed. I felt even more relaxed when I actually got there and introduced myself to John (lastname) who was about six-four and had black hair…as well as being about 10 years younger than me. I hugged my friend and said, “It’s not him!” Then I shared this relief with him.
“So there’s someone out there blackening my name?”
“Yeah. I’d be just as happy not ever seeing him again.”
“It would be pretty awkward for me, too,” said my husband. “After all I heard, I’d have to punch you when I met you.”
“That would put a damper on the party.” He said.
“Well, I’d wait till the end of the party,” Joe said.
“Yeah, we’d at least have a burger first,” I said.
Over the years, slanderous people have suggested that I gratuitously add drama to my everyday life. I think it is all a lie. The drama just happens, is all.
Published by angelawd on June 22nd, 2008 tagged Just Act Normal | 4 Comments »
Drinks on the Drive
Big Guy and I decided to reach out to our neighbors this summer, rather than staying cocooned among our church friends. So I made a little flyer announcing Friday night happy hour on our driveway - non-threating, easy, right? Two of my neighbors were walking by the other day and I ran out to give them a flyer.
“What’s this? ‘Drinks on the Drive’? Oooh, a redneck party!”
“Neighborhood get-together? We get together all the time.”
“Yeah, but since you’re hosting, we’ll wear our good sandals. Instead of…going barefoot.”
Whew. Tough crowd.
——————————————————————————
If your husband sprays you with the hose, and in return you “accidentally” spray him in the naughty bits with a jar of Miracle-Gro, nothing happens. So don’t go thinking you’ll have a “Jack and the Beanstalk” situation on your hands.
FYI.
Published by angelawd on June 20th, 2008 tagged Joyful living | 4 Comments »
I stand up again.
I’m picking myself up after feeling kicked in the butt yesterday. Today’s a new day and God’s promises are new every morning. I’ve been through terrible things in the past and I won’t let my latest troubles defeat me.
In case you need some encouragement yourself, here’s a clip from one of my most favorite movies of all, “Facing the Giants”. As mothers and wives, there’s a line in here that applies to us more than anyone else: “You are the most influential player on this team. If you walk around defeated, so will they.”